erotic tarpaper history WTF?

While taking a quick study break to check my email, I received an interesting piece of spam. The subject was "erotic tarpaper history" and the body was a link, supposedly to a site selling labcoats and scrubs.
I'm puzzled and slightly intrigued as to how these things fit together, and how anyone, even some sort of random word generator would ever put 'tarpaper' and 'erotic' in the same sentence.

Well, at least it was a refreshing change from being told "YOUR SMALL PENIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO YOU!!!"

Live and Learn

So before I really delve into all manners of other scholastic torture, a quick update on the two very important things I learned this week:
1) If a monster boiled my classroom everyone would dissociate into two parts and mix together randomly. Once the monster cooled us back down to a sensible temperature, we would all wander casually about until we found ourselves and joined back up to be very happy again.
2) All manners of centrifugal chaos could ensue should you neglect to label your nebulizers.

Oooh, hangovers suck

So last night was quite the girls' night... Jill, Christina, Deanna, Julianne, Barb and I hit The Black Duck and went on a bit of a bender. Our night out was followed by a slumber party (sorry guys, there was no sweaty naked pillow fight, but if you'd all prefer we can SAY there was one and fabricate stories to tell you all about how erotic it was).
We have concluded we need to do these girls' benders more often; we just need to find a way to avoid the horrible headache the next day.

Here's the general idea of my night:

HOORAY!! for finger-waving, Sephiroth, Phosphofructokinase-1, Wicket the Ewok, curried lamb jokes, much hearty grog, Alcohol Dehydrogenase, pump-your-own-cheese nachos, 5cent candies, Jill squawking at me in her sleep and Grainfields.

BOO!! to icky leering men, simple arithmathic, the psychotic cab driver I was scolding for driving too fast, people getting hit by trains, all the air coming out of the mattress and next day headaches.

WARNING: There Is A Trojan On Your Computer

WARNING: There Is A Trojan On Your Computer (explodingdog.com)

Clayton was telling me about how he's going to fix his coworker's computer and it reminded me of further evidence that life's tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid. I knew that Graeme would enjoy this one...

A few months back, I was on my parent's computer and it, well, sort of broke. It got some wacky virus that disabled Norton's ability to scan, but I was able to go in and look at its settings.
Now I know that Norton isn't always the best virus scan program out there, but, even despite its shortcomings, it still works better if it hasn't been disabled!!!
This scary virus was gobbling up programs... It hadn't eaten the burning program yet, so I just put all the files I wanted to keep onto CD and reformatted their computer...
Upon their return to town I explained what had happened and what I did to fix the problem. I then asked if they knew why Norton was shut off. They replied "Well, it kept popping up these annoying messages that wouldn't go away, so I found its options and changed them to make it not do that anymore" ...
I told them not to touch the Norton settings without talking to me or my step-brother-in-law first.

They phoned me the next day:
"The computer made a message"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"That program, it told us that a virus is here"
"Oh, Norton gave you an alert that you had gotten a virus and that it wanted to fix it?"
"Yeah. What do we do? It's that one from on the news yesterday"
"I don't watch the news. What virus?"
"Well, the one they always talk about on the news"
"I don't watch the news. What is its name?"
"Um, it's a horse"
"A Trojan Horse? That's a type of virus. Did it tell you exactly which one or what it wanted you to do to fix it?"
"No, they talked about it on the news. That's the virus. The news said so"
"Yup, it's a type of virus. Now did the message give you any instructions?"
"Yes. It said to click ok. So I did. Is it done now?"

You know it's a good night when...

Dallas threw one heck of a party last night! As promised in his email invite there was fire, love and a keg.... I

As a D-D, I spent much of the night packed onto the swing with JA, Jessa and an ever-changing 4rth person, watching what all the drunkies were up to and calculating the percentage of Jeffs and Ians present at the party.

Speaking of Ians - Ian Goodwillie somehow managed to not sleep with Vance last night! Even though Vance told him "You have to sleep with me tonight"...
No worries though, Vance hasn't turned gay - it was a case of mistaken identity. He thought Ian was me... You know, given that I'm over 6' with a shaved head and a beard... and am a man... and all those other similarities...

In further cases of mistaken identity:
~Erin Winkler showed up (the little sneak!!) and is convinced that I am Audrey Hepburn... But as I am 6'5" with a shaved head and a beard and am a man, I really don't see just how she made this mistake!!
~A girl who looked like Diana, and said her name was Diana was also there... But it can't have been Diana... But she was sober, not too drunk to stand, so it CAN'T have been Diana!
~Jessa has mistaken JA and I for people who are extremely dull. And, in a rather contradicting case of mistaken identity, a faulty source appears to have tricked her into thinking that I'm neat.
~The percentage of Jeffs rose to around 23% when Mark arrived, but fell back to a miniscule 14%, when it was discovered that his name was, in fact, Mark.
~Graeme mistook Vance for a either a pro wrestler or a blow up doll and gave him many elbow drops on the front lawn.
~Dallas mistook Cayley for having a dick shaped like a soup can, and himself for having one like a Tiki torch... I suspect that this is wrong and that they both have dicks that are shaped like dicks.
~Travis mistook Shannon for someone who does not like the skins of cucumbers. I mistook her for someone who is pregnant - I was corrected when she said she didn't want any chocolate from the store.
~Once again, everyone thought that Jeff and Chantelle (sp?) were there. I seem to be the only one who knows that their names are really Mike and Laurie. Everyone else has a faulty source.
~Dallas was mistaken for an excellent host... Oh, no, wait, that isn't a mistaken identity, he really was an excellent host!
~Steven got confused and thought Sharon and Jill were too cool to come out with our lameass friends. I had to clarify, that THEY were the lameasses because they hadn't come to the party. I mean, who goes to Regina anyways?? :)

Anyhow, it was a kickass party, and I really should go check if all the drunkies in the living room are still alive...
Here's hopin'!

Life's tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid

With still more baffling displays of idiocy my dad and stepmom are very close to driving me completely insane!
Dad called me yesterday, then forgot who he had called when I answered and said "Oh, hey, I was wondering who I had phoned!"... He then proceeded to tell me that my sister was coming to town, and told me where from - like I just happened to forget where she lived?? A frustrating phone call at best.
Then I called them today, from Deanna's place, around 3 o'clock to see if my sister was in town yet, because my dad said she was coming straight there when she arrived... My stepmom said "No, her haircut isn't until 5" "Yeah, but Dad said she was coming there first" "No, I don't think she'll be here until around 6:30 or 7" "Hmm, do you have her cell number? I don't have my adress book with me" "Oh, your dad is beeping in... ... ... ... Ok, what were we talking about?" "Erin" "Oh, right. She's not here" "Could you tell me her cell number so I can call her to find out what's up?" "Why?" "Well, to see when we're going to go visit Grandpa in the hospital and to see what she's doing tonight and all that stuff" "Why don't I just tell her to call you when she gets here?" "That will be too late for if she's visiting the hospital this afternoon. Can I have her cell number?" "She can phone you when she gets here. I can write down the number off the phone" "Um, no, I won't be here in 4 hours. Can you just tell me her cell number so I don't have to go home and get my adress book?" "Why won't you be there?" "Deanna is going to work at 5" "Oh, so you'll be leaving soon then?" "Yes. So can I just have her cell number so that I can reach her soon?" "I guess that might work. Let me find the adress book.... ... ... ... ... 5 minutes pass... ... ... Ok, here it is: ___ -____. Will you be calling her?" "Yes, now Deanna needs her phone. Thank you."
I called back a few minutes ago to see if my sister was still at their place and my dad actually had to THINK about it before he said "Yes"!!!
This is nearing the idocy displayed the time he told someone they had the wrong number because they asked for 'Lindsay' instead of 'Fred'...
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE???

I shall just play fowlwords (my new addicton) to relieve my stress.

JJ McCracken?

I keep waking up with the name JJ McCracken stuck in my head.
Does this person exist? Why do I wake up with this name?
CAN ANYONE HELP ME???

I was told today that I'm a hot mom!
Nick, Sam and I went to Timmy Ho's for a treat and as we were sitting down, there were two guys at the next table...
One said to the other "Hey, those are really cute kids"
The other whispered back "Yeah, but their mom is even more so!"
I was about to say "I'll be sure to tell her that when she gets home from work!" but decided to just be happy instead...

Buffy night tonight!! Also, cake decorating!! Whee!!
I will try to post a picture of the cake some day soon.